TRAUMA & MEDIATION: What Conflict Feels Like for Someone with Trauma or PTSD

Conflict is often inherently stressful—but for individuals who have experienced trauma and are living with the effects of trauma, such as PTSD, conflict can feel dangerous, confusing, and even retraumatizing.  Litigation dispute is a type of (or can feel like) conflict. 

The intensity of the response of someone who has experienced trauma is a result of how trauma reshapes the brain’s threat-detection system and emotional regulation pathways, not a sign of being difficult or stubborn, for example. Understanding this internal landscape is essential for mediators and conflict resolution professionals.

Trauma leaves a legacy in the body and nervous system. "The body keeps the score", is a central theme in Bessel van der Kolk's book of the same name, which emphasizes the profound impact of trauma on the body and brain. It suggests that trauma, while often experienced as a mental event, leaves lasting physical and neurological changes that can manifest in various symptoms. The body, in this context, "keeps the score" by storing the physical and emotional residue of traumatic experiences, even when the conscious mind has moved on. 

When a person with trauma enters into conflict—especially if it involves power imbalances, emotional vulnerability, or unpredictability—their system may react as though they are back in the original traumatic situation. This can occur even if the current conflict seems minor or non-threatening to others.

In these moments, the amygdala (the brain’s emotional processing centre) perceives danger and initiates a survival response. The body might tense up, heart rate increases, and adrenaline surges. This state is often described as “fight or flight,” but other responses such as “freeze” (numbing or dissociation) or “fawn” (people-pleasing to avoid harm) are also common.

These reactions can be deeply misunderstood. A person who dissociates during a meeting may appear disengaged or uncooperative. Someone who becomes aggressive might seem hostile or manipulative. However, these behaviours are not deliberate—they are involuntary strategies shaped by past experiences to cope with threat.

Trauma can also distort perception. For example, individuals with PTSD may interpret neutral facial expressions as hostile or benign comments as threatening. This skewed perception is a learned adaptation: brains have been conditioned to over-detect danger to stay safe.

Moreover, trust is often compromised. Trauma survivors may have learned that people in authority are dangerous, that expressing needs leads to punishment, or that their voices will not be heard. In a mediation setting, they may appear guarded, sceptical, or overly deferential. Internally, they may be fighting the urge to flee or shut down entirely.

Shame is another common element. Conflict often touches on themes of rejection, inadequacy, or loss of control—all of which can activate deep-seated feelings of shame or powerlessness in people who have experienced trauma. This may make it harder  to speak up, admit wrongdoing, or ask for what is needed.

Understanding these dynamics helps and enables  mediators to create a space where trauma responses are met with curiosity and compassion, not judgment. Rather than pushing participants to “move on” or “stay rational,” the first goal might be one of ensuring the participants feel safe enough to engage.

A trauma-informed approach recognizes that the emotional intensity in conflict is often not about the present moment—it is about a nervous system trying  to protect itself based on past pain or discomfort. Creating room for that reality can be the first step towards resolution.

The next article will consider Trauma-Informed Tools for Conflict Resolution and Mediation.